I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes They’ve seen things that you never quite say, but I hear Come out of hiding, I’m right here beside you And I’ll stay there as long as you let me Because you matter to me Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody You matter to me I promise you do, you, you matter too I promise you do, you see? You matter to me
It’s addictive the minute you let yourself think The things that I say just might matter to someone All of this time I’ve been keeping my mind on the running away And for the first time I think I’d consider the stay Because you matter to me Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody You matter to me I promise you do, you, you matter too I promise you do, you see? You matter to me
Ok, full disclosure, I love a good musical. And I particularly love when a song hits a deep universal psychological nerve. The above song from the musical, Waitress, hits that nerve. In the story, originally depicted in the movie with the same name, the female character is in an unhappy marriage, feeling unseen, stuck, and mistreated. She falls in love with her OB/GYN, and he sings the above to her… in a simple way, making her feel cared for, like she “mattered to someone.”
The relationship is messy and not ideal, and ultimately unsustainable. But the core need is common, and once met, she is empowered to find her center, and her own contentment.
The need to matter to someone is so frequently alluded to in therapy—by children, teens, adults, couples, the elderly—just wanting to be prioritized by loved ones, yet feeling unseen, discarded, forgotten or misunderstood. And yes, if we take a microscope to some of the roots of infidelity, there is often a nugget of no longer feeling like one matters to a partner, and perhaps concentrating on “the running away,” rather than feeling motivated for “the stay.” Feeling as though we really, truly matter is basic to attachment, and if it’s not there, the self-concept and sense of self-worth are in jeopardy.
If this resonates, take a listen to this gorgeous song. I strongly recommend! And, as Valentine’s Day approaches, consider letting someone (anyone in your life) know that they matter to you.
