For many couples, spring does not arrive with immediate relief, it comes with exhaustion. You have just navigated months of holidays, school disruptions, shifting routines, emotional expectations, and family logistics. This season is not for the weary, and it often exposes the small cracks that already exist in even the strongest relationships.
Recently, I was reminded of George Bernard Shaw’s well-known quote: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” This statement holds remarkable truth. Partners frequently leave conversations believing they were clear, only to discover they were not heard, not understood, or not interpreted in the way they intended.
The reality is that communication is never just about the words exchanged. Every interaction carries an attachment need beneath it: safety, reassurance, respect, or connection. What sounds like “Can you take out the trash?” may actually mean “I want to feel like we are a team.” Our internal dialogue is often far clearer than the version we are able to express out loud.
So how do we know when communication has actually occurred successfully?
One tool that can be helpful is reflective listening. After a conversation, pause and ask: “Can you tell me what you heard me say?” This is not to test your partner, but rather to check for alignment. If you feel confused afterwards, it is very likely your partner does too.
Another great principle is to assume positive intent. Even when communication feels tense, most partners are ultimately seeking the same outcome of closeness, security, and understanding. Naming that shared goal can immediately soften conflict.
Finally, it is important to normalize that difficult conversations are not failures. They are acts of courage. The willingness to stay in dialogue, even imperfectly, is itself healing. Conversations do not need to be resolved in one sitting. Returning to them with care and curiosity is not regression, it is growth.
Remember, the goal of communication is not flawless dialogue, but rather to maintain a connection that is open, flexible, and continuous.
