Research shows that 1 adult child in 10 is incommunicado with a parent, and at least 1 in 4 Americans will break ties with a parent during young adulthood. Yet little has been written until recently about this, as few parents discuss this deeply painful and sensitive issue for fear of judgment, shame and vulnerability.
Parents and children have a biologically-based attachment—we’re built to be connected. Still, it is natural for disagreements and the need for space to occur in the healthiest of relationships. What occurs in estrangement, however, is a rupture of communication and engagement, with messages and outreach often blocked. Parents may be denied contact with their adult child (and spouse) and grandchildren.
Reasons for estrangement are complex and unique to each family. In some cases adult children estrange themselves from parents due to physical or emotional abuse. They may also estrange in response to inheritance issues, perceived slights or inequities, lack of boundaries, feeling unsupported, or powerful negative emotions after divorce. When an adult child marries, shifting alliances can trigger estrangement, too.
