Many of us have experienced the following interpersonal scenario in some capacity:
Person 1: Are you listening?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: Are you—Really?
Person 2: Yes, I am!
Person 1: Well, it doesn’t seem like I have your full attention.
Person 2: What do you mean? I’m sitting right here.
Person 1: I just don’t feel like you hear me…
It’s important to recognize that many of us already practice some aspects of active listening, and it’s natural to be distracted at times due to life’s demands. However, improving our active listening skills can lead to a greater sense of validation, which is crucial for all types of relationships.
Active listening requires effort and awareness. Here are some areas to consider as we work on enhancing our listening skills:
- Staying with someone’s train of thought, as opposed to interrupting or changing the subject.
- “Listening” fully, without quietly composing your reply.
- Making good eye contact and concentrating, so as to truly absorb what’s being said.
- Repeat back what you’ve heard, as opposed to reflexively telling a similar story.
- Take the listening role more seriously, as opposed to joking or making light of what the person is saying.
- Consider disconnecting from devices, as opposed to listening as multi-tasking—while also being on the phone, computer, etc.
Knowing that we are heard and that the person you are with is making a real attempt to understand you is an expression of love, respect, and deep appreciation. It’s worth the effort to master the art of listening.
