4 Fair Fighting Guidelines: How To Argue Constructively With Your Spouse

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4 Fair Fighting Guidelines: How To Argue Constructively With Your Spouse

If you and your partner are having trouble communicating, please visit our couples counseling Eastchester NY services page for information on how we can help.

The challenges of relationships often tend to reveal themselves after two partners have been together for some time. These problems are always difficult to predict, making them nearly impossible to prevent. When arguing feels normal, that’s when the mutual becomes increasingly difficult to recall. The goal should be to find a way reach an agreement together. These fair fighting principles will help you to achieve that goal with your spouse or significant other.

Do not use degrading or offensive language

There’s nothing constructive that can come from calling someone you love a degrading name. Insulting your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend, will only fan the fire and bring you further from reaching a solution. If possible, make it a point to avoid the use of any profanity at all when addressing him or her. This will only raise tension and tempers. This kind of language threatens your partner’s dignity, which sends the message that you are looking to win an argument. What you really want should be to arrive at a solution together.

Do away with the blame-game

Blame doesn’t solve problems. It is merely a distraction from the true task at hand, which is the pursuit of a solution. What results from blame is your partner becoming defensive. This leads to both parties focusing too much on what happened in the past. Instead focus on what you each can do to prevent this from happening again in the future.

Always use indoor voices

You need to keep a tab on your tone and the tone of your partner. The point where either one of you resorts to yelling should be precisely the point when step back and regroup. If you cannot explain your point in a clear and calm manner, yelling won’t communicate your point any better. In fact, it will have the opposite effect. Similarly to blaming your partner, yelling only leads to defensiveness, which ultimately ends up becoming counterproductive for everybody. In order to maintain a respectful, be sure to listen to what the other has to say and to wait until he or she finishes before responding. Listening is crucial to healthy arguing.

Do not ever use physical force

Fear should have no place in your dynamic with your partner. A strong relationship must have its base in mutual respect. For this reason, if you or your partner even threatens or senses the possibility that saying something could result in physical harm, you must both address this issue first and foremost. Any physical contact that one uses with the intention of any kind of physical harm to the other qualifies as force.

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