When you enter into a committed relationship, it’s always a good idea to consider ahead of time what your expectations are. What do you want from this relationship. More importantly, what kind of partner will make you happy? What works for you and what are your goals in partaking in this relationship? If you are the type that prefers to be with someone who assumes the role as the decision maker between the two of you, then dating an alpha type could work well. But if your hope is to establish a relative level of equality and mutual respect, then you need to be weary of the controlling type. If you’re in the latter category, here are a few red flags that should tip you off that you might not be with the right person for you.
Does your partner lack self-awareness? Does he or she only think about what you are doing wrong without ever looking inward? You just might have a controller on your hands. Controlling partners always tend to assume they have a better way of doing things than their significant others, no matter the circumstance. Additionally, they tend to lack any willingness to hear out the other’s ideas. Instead, they always insist on doing everything how they want without letting their partners get a word in.
The most manipulative people have usually been sharpening their craft for years. So much so that it’s barely noticeable, but extremely effective. They find ways to dominate a relationship in subtle ways by making their partners feel guilty, as though they have been the offenders when in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. When it comes to relationships, it’s difficult to see things objectively. That’s why manipulation is so much more effective when you introduce an intimate connection to the equation.
Sometimes they’ll just downright threaten their partners. But often enough, they won’t even need to say anything at all. The mere assumption that there will be consequences with your partner due to your actions, and that governs what kinds of decisions you make, should be an indicator that he or she isn’t treating you as an equal. If you refrain from doing things out of respect for your partner, because you know that he or she doesn’t like it, that’s one thing. Deciding not to do or say things because you are afraid of what will happen is something completely different.
Here’s one thing that you may see as a weakness in your partner, which can evoke sympathy. But it’s unhealthy for you nonetheless. Similarly to the first point in this list, if your partner insists on everything being as he or she envisions it, without ever showing any sign of just letting nature take its course, or even better, letting you decide how things turn out, that’s a problem.
Are you concerned about the direction that your relationship is going? Give Counseling Center a call today at 914-793-3388 to learn more about our couples and family counseling Westchester NY services.